10 signs you live with a child (AKA tiny bulldozer)

July 26, 2017

I’ve tried for years to remain in control of the house and not let the kids take over. I have a subscription to Ideal Home magazine for god sake, but inevitably resistance is futile people. Even if you think you are handling it, are you really? How many toys are lurking in all the rooms you swore they wouldn’t enter? How many times have you removed your beloved ornaments out of the reach of little hands only to give up and permanently hide them in the loft? How many of us are staring at an empty fireplace right now where decorative stones once lay… It happens to the best of us.

10 signs you live with a child


1.) Walking through your house is like taking part in an obstacle course. Unfortunately the only prize here for completing it successfully is not ending up in A+E.

2.) You practically rip your arm out of it’s socket trying to open a cupboard that you forgot you had put a bloody child lock on. And lets not talk about the amount of stubbed toes obtained from all those safety gates in every doorway.

3.) Netflix & Chill  now means put Paw Patrol on repeat and attempt to catch up on Instagram for 5 minutes, Not that it meant much else before!

4.) Toilet trips alone only happen when your kids are in bed…if they go to bed.

5.) Forget that monochrome scheme you dreamt of pre baby, your new colour scheme is – brightly coloured crap.

6.) Your garden is no longer a haven of peace and tranquillity, all grass space is now covered by so many toys that you have practically created your own park.

7.) You have to go on a nightly hunt to reclaim all your personal belongings that your kids have kindly hidden throughout the day. Drawers, washing baskets and dog beds are the usual suspects along with the occasional rummage through the bin, hey don’t judge, no one ever said having kids was glamorous.

8.) One extra small person means approximately 27,000 more loads of washing a week day…HOW???

9.) Apart from all the toys, your house actually looks like it’s been burgled. Goodbye pretty ornaments, I’ll see you again some time…

And one for those of us living with teenagers..

10.) Walking into a teenagers bedroom requires a full hazmat suit and a removal team for all the plates/cups and general filth they find incapable of bringing downstairs.

I’m sorry if you were hoping it gets better as they get older, it doesn’t!

Good job we love those tiny bulldozers of ours!

Thanks for reading

Amy x

Real Mum Reviews

7 responses to “10 signs you live with a child (AKA tiny bulldozer)”

  1. Sim says:

    Ha ha ha! This made me chuckle! Have to agree with the house always being like an obstacle course… parenting makes you very nimble on your feet, the Krypton Factor course would be a doddle! 😉 Sim xx

  2. Laura stevens says:

    This made me laugh, all of it is so true X

  3. Stephanie Peyatt says:

    Hahaha! This made me laugh. Only because I am so living this right now! I joke all the time because even though we have a playroom, my entire house still looks like a Toys R Us warehouse!

  4. Tubbs says:

    This made me laugh as I got the description of the teenager’s room as that is so our house! Even the cat hesitates at the door!

  5. These are so funny but I hope you dont mind me adding another….hunting for that smallest plastic toy they’ve had all day, that just happened to go missing before bedtime, and they won’t go to sleep without it

  6. Kim says:

    This made me chuckle. I miss going to the toliet alone

  7. Rhi says:

    Lol glad my house isn’t the only one full to bursting with plastic stuff. As long as I don’t stand on Lego I’m happy….

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