Mothers Day Without A Mother
As Mother’s Day approaches each year, the sadness,the bitterness,the loneliness I feel really kicks up a notch and I can’t help but feel resentful every time I see mothers and daughters out together for the day, I’m sad that those days were taken away from me.
This may sound like I’ve lost my mom and I have, my Mom is not dead though, she just chose not to be in my life, my 16th birthday was the last time I spoke to her, the day my life changed forever and she kicked me out on the streets and told me she didn’t want to see me again, at the time I was glad, scared of what my future would hold but I was happy to be free from her. For years me and my dad suffered both mental and physical abuse from her, she is a truly horrible person and I will never understand why she treated us so badly. She has seen us in passing and doesn’t even give us a second glance, not a care in the world for her daughter or grandchildren.
It doesn’t really bother me that she’s not in our lives, but I can’t help feeling like I’ve been robbed of something special. That mother/daughter bond that I see so many of you have. My mother was not there to help choose my wedding dress, watch me get married or be there when I gave birth, I don’t get to organise spa days or afternoon teas, book girly shopping trips, pick out the perfect gift for Mother’s Day or simply just ring her for advice. I do buy things for my lovely mother-in-law but it’s just not the same, she’s not my mother, she’s someone else’s.
I would never treat my children the way I was treated, I just don’t know how anyone could. They will always know how much I love them and I look forward to the mothers days when they can take me out and I can finally have that mother/daughter bond with my daughter that I never had chance to have.
I’m sorry if this is a tough read for anyone, the real story is a hell of a lot worse and I’m not sure I will ever be able to share it but I just wanted to get a bit off my chest and explain why my mother is never spoke about.
Thanks for reading
Love Amy xx